out in the boonedocks

Now that everyone knows a bit more about 18th century British science, it’s time to switch gears. Let’s stick with the 18th century just to maintain a semblance of conversational order. However, we’re going to jump the pond in just a second. Remember, keep it composed:

“Now, Henry Cavendish, admittedly, accomplished a hell of a lot while sitting in his basement for most of his adult life, but I prefer my historical characters with a bit more…vim and vigor. Take Daniel Boone, for instance, the guy was Clint Eastwood plus John Wayne mixed with a little bit of Kevin Costner if he had just stopped after Dances with Wolves.”

Boone didn't actually use this musket, but he probably had one just like it.

There are, however, a few things you should know about Mr. Boone as you tread into some of the territory that he helped add to this United States. Now, we could just stick with an exploration of a man who became a legend in his own time. He was captured by the Shawnee during the Revolutionary War, and, instead of being killed or turned over to the British, he was eventually adopted by the tribe, though I’m not sure if he had the help of a sympathetic canine. We could also discuss the fact that you can still find his name carved into rocks and trees in Western Kentucky, parts of Tennessee, and who knows where else. In any case, there’s a lot you could say about the man, but, this situation calls for a bit of levity.

Turns out Davey Crockett wasn't the only American hero killing himself some bears.

Luckily for you, the nice young woman on your left just volunteered the fact that she wouldn’t much have liked being Boone’s wife on account of his moving his family farther and farther west throughout his life. Go with this “Oddly enough, Boone might have agreed with you there. As it turns out, there was a hidden motive behind a large portion of the man’s moves: the US government kept invalidating his land claims. That’s right, the great frontiersman and homesteader kept frontiering because he needed to find a home the government would let him keep.”

Probably would have been better with a pun, but you can’t have everything.